Tag: philosophy

There’s more than one way to win

youshouldgoanyway

In grade school we used to play a game called “Steal the Bacon” in gym class. It involved splitting into two teams, assigning each kid a number, and sending the teams to opposite ends of each side of the basketball court.

The teacher would put an eraser, or the “bacon” in the middle of the court. At random, she’d call out 1 or 2 numbers and the kids with the called numbers from each team would run out to the middle of the court.  The object was to grab the bacon and run back to your team’s end line without getting tagged by your opponents. Any of the called numbers could steal the bacon and if you made it back, your team got a point.  However if you got tagged, the other team got the point.

I hated this game. Hated it badly. I was a slow runner so I would either ALWAYS get tagged or NEVER catch the other person. I hated it.

That was until I figured out how to win in a different way.

Even though I was a slow runner I was usually just fast enough to get out there so that the “face-off” would still happen. This was the moment where you are both circling the bacon, waiting for the most opportune time to steal it. Most kids wanted to steal the bacon — myself included. But here’s where I changed my strategy.

I never tried to steal it.

Since you could get a point by tagging the stealer, I set my sights on tagging the other person the MOMENT they grabbed the bacon. So I would hover over the other person, just waiting for them to try to steal it. Eventually they would make the mistake of going for it and my hand was there to tag them immediately. It didn’t work every time but it worked most of the time.

I went from never winning to winning about 75% of the time just by changing my strategy.

This is true for many things in life. By changing the way you look at something or changing your definition of success you can often change a losing proposition to a winning one.

So whether it’s a physical chore like getting up from a chair or your job or a course that you’re having difficulty with — take a moment to look at the problem differently. How else can you win? Can you redefine what it means to win by changing your goals?

Remember, you don’t always have to steal the bacon.


Do I think about having muscular dystrophy every day?

youshouldgoanyway

The short answer is, “no.” The more complicated answer is “probably.”

I don’t think I consciously address the fact that I have muscular dystrophy on a regular basis, especially not every day. Even though I find myself transferring into a wheelchair first thing in the morning the conscious thought of “Oh that’s right I have muscular dystrophy” never crosses my mind.

I say that there’s a more complicated answer of “probably” only because it’s possible that I subconsciously address the issue every day or even every time I do something that might be difficult. But if I do this it’s only because it’s my brain telling my body I’m going to need to adjust to accomplish a particular task.

For my daily tasks, everything I do has become so streamlined that it’s like when you ride a bike and don’t have to think about riding a bike, you just do. Whether it’s my routine or my body movements, there’s very little conscious acknowledgement of why I am doing something a particular way. I just do it.

Strangers like to help

youshouldgoanyway

I have never been refused help by a stranger. Someday it might happen but that will only drop the percentage down to 99.99%. Whether it has been asking for help opening a door or reaching something from a high or low place, strangers are a big asset when out in the world.

I used to be afraid to ask strangers for help but this changed on day when I was out training with a friend of mine for an upcoming wheelchair tennis tournament. We were packing up and the hatch on the back of my minivan was not closing automatically like it was supposed to. We started trying to swing bungee cords up there to get the hooks to latch on so we could pull it down, but that was highly unsuccessful.

After several minutes of this two people going to play tennis walked by and my friend stopped them and said, “Hey could you help us pull down that hatch? It’s stuck.” Without hesitation one of the guys did it, made sure we didn’t need anything else, and was on his way with our gracious thanks.

What struck me about this incident was that my friend didn’t think twice about asking for help. At the time I might have tried several more times myself and hoped someone would see me struggling and offer help. People occasionally will offer if they see you struggling but it’s much more effective to ask strangers for help if you need it. You probably won’t be turned down and let’s face it, they probably feel better about themselves after they’ve helped you out.

Don’t rely on help, but know when to ask for it

youshouldgoanyway

I know more than a few people who rely on others to help them just way too often. This includes people with muscular dystrophy and even many able-bodied folks as well. I believe it’s really important not to rely on someone for every little thing otherwise you might never know what is possible and even might lose some of your abilities. However there are times when asking for help is either necessary or might save you a lot of time.

One thing I am known to do is rearrange my living space frequently. I usually do this without anybody’s help. How? I use my power chair to maneuver furniture — beds, couches, anything! It’s something like a logic challenge and it’s probably not the fastest way to do it, but I like it anyway. I recently rearranged my apartment and one of my friends couldn’t believe I did it myself. That was extremely satisfying.

But this philosophy extends to even smaller things like getting dressed or showering or grocery shopping or running errands. I like to do these things myself. It’s not that difficult and it’s probably good low impact exercise.

More importantly though I highly recommend doing any regular physical activities with as little help as possible. This includes getting up from chairs or getting out of bed. Until you are absolutely sure you are physically incapable of doing these things I suggest struggling to figure out a way to do it until you can struggle no more.

Several years ago I was nervous that I might not be able to get out of bed by myself anymore. The truth was that yes, the way I was doing it I wasn’t going to be able to do it much longer anymore. But after trying several new ways of positioning myself, using my arms and focusing on leverage, I discovered a brand new way of getting out of bed by myself. It was great. But had I never tried to figure out a new way, I might never have learned it. I might have started relying on someone else and that just adds a whole other layer to dealing with muscular dystrophy.

But there are times when you can benefit by asking for help. This includes times when your safety might be at risk. If it doesn’t feel like you will safely be able to do something — ask for help. Also, if asking someone to help you will save you a tremendous amount of time or prevent you from damaging your surroundings, then definitely ask for help. Lastly, if you have tried something yourself several times and see little chance of success on your own, then ask for help. But try as much as you can first.

Another thing you can do if you find you need help figuring out things like how to get up from bed or transfer more effectively is talk to someone trained as a physical therapist or ask your doctor to recommend someone knowledgeable in assistive therapy.

Everyone likes their independence and the only way to maintain this for as long as possible is to keep doing things as long as possible. But there is not one person in this world who doesn’t need help at some time. Remember that when you feel like you need assistance.

Happiness as an attitude

youshouldgoanyway

You’d expect that as your body slowly loses strength that your general level of happiness would dissipate as well. I have found the opposite to be true and believe it has a lot to do with attitude.

For some people, attitude is a choice. For others it is something that gradually forms. For me I think it was a combination of both. I definitely went through a phase where I was not happy about having muscular dystrophy. This state of unhappiness stemmed from a combination of uncertainty, fear, and general frustration. There was no internet back then so I didn’t know what to expect. I was afraid that if my friends found out that they wouldn’t want to be friends with me anymore. And I was frustrated that I was always the slowest runner and not able to do physically do things the same way the other kids were doing.

But one thing I seemed to always have going for me is my attitude. Even though I was the slowest runner, I still ran. Even though I was horrible at jumping, I still jumped. I played basketball until 8th grade and kept trying despite my difficulties. I also loved and still love tennis. I would hit a tennis ball against whatever garage door I could find. I play tennis against my dad the day after my first muscle biopsy, and beat him. No matter what, I still tried.

After doing this for a while my mind started to focus more on what I could do than what I couldn’t. This is the gradual change I am referring to. I spent my time doing things I could do instead of sitting around moping because there was something I couldn’t do. Focusing on the positive things led my mind to a state of happiness.

I lived in this state for many years. I wasn’t consciously deciding to be happy but it was happening anyway. Finally at age 32 I decided to travel to play wheelchair tennis tournaments. I packed up or sold many of my things in Hawaii and decided to spend at least six months traveling the U.S. and living in hotels or with family. The very first day of my trip I was driving from Atlanta to Pensacola, exhausted from my overnight flight but extremely excited. I couldn’t believe I was driving to a tennis tournament I was going to play in. I said it out loud. “I CAN’T BELIEVE I AM DRIVING TO A TENNIS TOURNAMENT!” I didn’t believe it. It was an extremely happy moment.

That’s when I decided that I had control over my happiness. I had made this tennis trip happen because I kept on trying. It made me happy. Therefore I can always find a way to be happy no matter what the circumstances.

And that was it. For the last several years my baseline level of happiness is higher than ever. I get more enjoyment out of the things I do than ever. It even makes me happy when someone looks at me and assumes I’m not happy. That means I’m beating muscular dystrophy, at least mentally. And let’s face it, your brain ultimately makes you happy or sad.

So you might as well choose to be happy.