Category: Everyday Life

You can have meetings in your underwear

youshouldgoanyway

When you work from home, like I do most of the time, it’s easy to have a meeting in your underwear. Usually this happens over the phone, in the morning, after I’ve pushed snooze too many times and find myself rushing to untangle the earphones for my phone as it’s ringing. Getting dressed is not essential.

Well a few years ago I woke up and sat down at my computer in my boxers. At this point in time the front room of my apartment was an “office” for my business partner and I. He had arrived a few minutes prior and had grown used to opening the door and finding me getting the sleep out of my eyes, typing on the computer, with my boxers still on. So no big deal.

But before I could realize it, a car pulled into the driveway. It was our contracted employee and his uncle who we forgot was coming over for a meeting! The really unfortunate part is that at this time I was still walking but I could not stand up quickly enough to run into the other room before the door opened! At LEAST I had a pair of shorts next to me that I grabbed and layered on top of my boxers so it appeared as though I was wearing them.

I am quite sure this still look ridiculous, if not suspicious, and my partner and I shot looks at each other all throughout the meeting — almost bursting into laughter on more than one occasion. I have never felt so embarrassed, nervous, and ridiculous all at the same time.

Every now and then I have that nightmare where I’m naked or in my underwear in front of a class or a room full of people. At least it doesn’t carry quite the same weight now that I’ve actually experienced it for real.

Tax Time

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I have a job and pay taxes every year. One of the first questions after I start TurboTax is “Are you disabled?”

Every year, I laugh because my answer to that question is not the answer that TurboTax or the IRS is looking for. I would answer that question “Yes” in every other circumstance, but answering “Yes” in this context takes you to a bunch of information that tells me I should have answered “No.”

It’s an odd mental conflict for me. Society tells me that I am disabled but the IRS is telling me I am not disabled because I still work.

Maybe there needs to be a new term for the working disabled.

Control what you can

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I’d imagine it’s the same for anyone dealing with a disease that there’s a feeling as though what’s happening to you is completely out of your control. I used to feel this way all the time. But over the years that feeling has diminished because I found ways to regain control, or at least the illusion of control, over my disorder. Sometimes it’s direct control, other times it’s control over something else. Here are a few suggestions on how to control what you can about your life and your disorder.

1. Decide to optimize what you have

It dawned on me one day that although my arms and legs are overall much weaker than normal, they still functioned. I could still exercise them and keep them moving. Most of the time your muscles are not working at their maximum potential. Getting them up to that maximum potential every now and then felt good. Whether you have a favorite set of exercises, or a sport, or go to physical therapy, there are ways to optimize what you have. The same is true for other areas of your life — your brain, your relationships, and of course your time. Deciding to push yourself and exercise whatever it is you want to optimize can help you feel as though you are optimizing your control.

2. Get on top of your health

Similar to #1, getting on top of your health is important. If you go in for regular checkups and tests can give you the knowledge about your situation that essentially makes you an “expert” on your own health. Feeling as though you are an expert about something can help you feel much more in control. If you have a good doctor, who cares, then it’s almost as if you’ve got yourself a team that’s completely aware of what is and what should be going on.

3. Schedule in some enjoyable activities

I’ve met many people who find it easy to play the victim. I’ve noticed with these people that they actually have very few, if any interests or hobbies outside of complaining to whoever will listen. Deciding to pursue your own interests is essentially a decision to spend your time in an enjoyable manner. Controlling your time this way can go a long way in contributing to your overall perception of control.

4. Plan something. ANYTHING.

I love to plan trips. I enjoy everything from wondering about where to go to finding a great deal on plane tickets to finding interesting places to stay. In doing this, I grab complete control of the trip and that moment in time. I have found that this shift towards taking the initiative can do wonders towards my overall sense of control. But you don’t have to plan a big trip. Planning a night out, a party, or a small get together can be just as effective. If you are in charge of planning something, then you are in control.

Controlling what you can, even if it’s not directly associated with your disease, can go a long way in perking you up and enhancing your overall feeling of well being. It’s important to know that I’m not suggesting you become so controlling that you start controlling people or situations in a negative way. Those things can lead to long term problems. But grabbing the reigns on your own life and your own decisions will have a strong impact on your life.

Think of it as exercise

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I like being dressed up but I hate the act of getting dressed up. I have perfected the art of avoiding ironing. I have bought the perfect slip-on dress shoes. Even though these things make it easier, there’s a small part of me that gets irritated whenever something that used to be easy, is now more difficult.

I recommend thinking of these things as exercise. When you’re doing something that has become difficult for you, like putting on a shirt or picking something up off the floor, think if it as if you would a sit-up — if you push through it, you’ll end up better off.

Exercise isn’t meant to be easy. It’s meant to keep your body in shape. Sometimes it’s difficult and it can be mentally challenging.

It’s easy to get frustrated with menial tasks that used to be easy, like taking a shower or getting dressed. Once I started thinking about these tasks as exercise, the frustration seemed to mostly go away.

And if you think about it, these tasks really are exercise. It’s important to keep doing them so you can, well, keep doing them! If you stop exercising you lose strength and physical ability. If you stop struggling through menial tasks, you might lose the ability to do those too.

So keep on doing them, think of them as being a benefit. If it helps, put Richard Simmons on in the background!

The good and bad of assumptions

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There are good and bad assumptions.

Good assumptions are reasonable, based in fact, and help us make decisions more swiftly. These are called “safe” assumptions. For example, if it’s snowing outside then assuming it will take you longer to get to a meeting helps you to get there on time.

Bad assumptions may sound reasonable or may seem to be based in fact, but are often the result of ignorance or lazy thinking. For example, assuming that someone who walks funny or uses a wheelchair is stupid is an unfortunate assumption many people make.

I notice someone assumes I’m dumb when they start talking to the people I am with instead of me — for example, they might ask my friends, “Will this table be alright for him?”

I love it when my friends and family chime in with, “Why don’t you ask him?” It makes the person think about what they just did and might change their mind in the future.

I used to get upset when someone assumed something about me that was not true. Over time, however, this helped me to appreciate the things I have done that go far beyond those assumptions — my education, my talents, my achievements. When given the chance to disprove someone’s assumptions about me, I take it. But when I don’t have that chance, I just laugh inside and feel sorry that the person has no idea what they’re missing out on.