Author: youshouldgoanyway

The good and bad of assumptions

youshouldgoanyway

There are good and bad assumptions.

Good assumptions are reasonable, based in fact, and help us make decisions more swiftly. These are called “safe” assumptions. For example, if it’s snowing outside then assuming it will take you longer to get to a meeting helps you to get there on time.

Bad assumptions may sound reasonable or may seem to be based in fact, but are often the result of ignorance or lazy thinking. For example, assuming that someone who walks funny or uses a wheelchair is stupid is an unfortunate assumption many people make.

I notice someone assumes I’m dumb when they start talking to the people I am with instead of me — for example, they might ask my friends, “Will this table be alright for him?”

I love it when my friends and family chime in with, “Why don’t you ask him?” It makes the person think about what they just did and might change their mind in the future.

I used to get upset when someone assumed something about me that was not true. Over time, however, this helped me to appreciate the things I have done that go far beyond those assumptions — my education, my talents, my achievements. When given the chance to disprove someone’s assumptions about me, I take it. But when I don’t have that chance, I just laugh inside and feel sorry that the person has no idea what they’re missing out on.

Flying American Airlines with a wheelchair

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Recently, I flew from Honolulu to Milwaukee via Chicago on American Airlines and had a great experience.

Even though I had purchased a ticket at 10AM for a flight at 4PM the same day, the passenger services department gave me a call to ask me what my needs were for the flight. Because I had specified I used a wheelchair and would need assistance, they wanted to clarify a few things and see if I needed anything else. I don’t recall another airline doing this, but hopefully they are starting to.

Once I got to the airport things went very smoothly. I got there 2 hours early and I recommend getting there at least 2 hours in advance if you are using a wheelchair. It’s much easier for them to assist you when there’s not a long line of passengers waiting to make their flights. The counter agent was able to help me move my seat assignment and put a name tag on my wheelchair. She double-checked on my needs and sent me on my way to the gate.

I got the new pat-down at security, which was quite thorough, if you know what I mean. But since I only had a small carry-on without a computer, the security line and inspection was much easier than when I have a big old backpack and laptop that needs to be removed.

Once at the gate, I made the gate agent aware of my presence and got a claim tag for my wheelchair. She reconfirmed that I needed to be lifted from my wheelchair to the aisle chair, then from the aisle chair to my seat. Because I had specified that I would need at least 2 people to do this, that’s exactly what was sent to help me out. Occasionally an airline or passenger service company will only send one person down and it’s impossible to facilitate a transfer with only one person. But from my boarding in Honolulu to my transfer in Chicago to my arrival in Milwaukee, all the lifts and transfers went perfectly.

Of all the airports I have ever flown through, I think the boarding service at Chicago is by far the best. Milwaukee is very good too. FYI, I never know what I am going to get in Honolulu and flying Delta through Atlanta is usually a toss-up that ends up on the wrong side of the coin.

In any case, I arrived in one piece, as did my wheelchair. Everyone was nice throughout the trip. I do think it pays to have a positive attitude yourself and be gracious and pleasant to the flight attendants at all times, too, especially since they might get stuck on the plane waiting for you to be de-planed. This time, however, there was very little wait upon arrival and we all left quickly and on time.

Laugh when someone forgets

youshouldgoanyway

When you go from walking to using a wheelchair it’s easy for people to forget that you’ve made the transition, even as you’re sitting there right in front of them.

One summer while staying at my grandma’s house, I was planning a trip. We talked about how I might drive out to NYC instead of flying. Then I thought about taking the train and mentioned to her that it was only about a 15 hour train trip (or so).

“How on earth can you sit that long?” she asked.

I cocked my head, rolled my eyes, and within a few short seconds we both burst out laughing.

That’s how I like to approach the instances when people forget. Some people, however, take offense in situations like that and it’s not healthy and not acceptable. People slip up all the time. It doesn’t mean anything. Laugh, and let it go.

The power of accepting a shorter lifespan

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When I was first diagnosed with Becker muscular dystrophy, the obvious question was, “So how long am I going to live?” With no internet and a limited amount of medical books at the local library, getting an answer to this question became difficult. The fact of the matter is that with Becker muscular dystrophy, as with many muscular dystrophies, the life expectancy can span a wide range of years. I have learned to accept the fact that my life will be shorter and leverage this knowledge to help me accomplish as much as possible.

The truth is that nobody — healthy or otherwise — knows exactly when they will die. A teenager who is perfectly healthy could drop dead tomorrow. Someone with Becker muscular dystrophy could live to the average age for a human being. Both have smaller probabilities than average, but no matter who you are there’s no certainty about when you will die.

Because of this, I find it easy to ignore worries about dying early. I won’t say it never enters my mind, but at the times when it does, I find it actually motivates me to live a higher quality life. For example, in 2007 I had the opportunity to travel and play wheelchair tennis tournaments around the world. I don’t think I was necessarily skilled enough to be a legitimate competitor, but I had the strength to handle both playing tennis and traveling independently. Knowing full well that my circumstances could change in a few years, I chose to play as much as I could afford. I won a few matches here and there, saw a lot of great places, and met a lot of great people.

I think many people who are healthy take their health for granted. They put off doing things they dream about doing because they assume they will have time later in life to fulfill their dreams. There is no urgency for them.

But for me, there is urgency. There’s urgency to cram a full life into a shorter timeframe. Keeping this in mind is powerful. It can help you to take advantage of a situation you might otherwise put off. It can push you to take that trip, start that business, take that class, or do whatever it is that you’ve had your mind on.

Make getting out of bed easier

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Standing up from bed can get difficult for several reasons. It’s easy to sink down when you’re sitting up, you can’t push off with much effectiveness, and sometimes your body just isn’t up and awake enough to power through the motion.

One solution is a bed hand rail, however sometimes they can get in the way when you are trying to get into bed or sit up. Another, much more expensive solution, is to get some sort of adjustable or motorized bed that can elevate a bit. If you are looking to get a new bed frame anyway, there are many styles of bed frames such as sleigh beds that can give you many extra inches right out of the box. If the frame is going to be screwed together you can also adjust it at construction time to boost the mattress platform higher.

I decided I didn’t want to spend the money on a new bed. So what I did was boost my bed onto cinder blocks so it was much higher. This made standing up from bed much easier. I simply bought enough blocks to fit under each of the supports and had some friends slide them in. Fortunately my bed frame did not have wheels so I didn’t have to deal with the bed rolling off the blocks. If your frame has wheels you will definitely want to get a different frame or have the wheels removed.

The only issue with having a higher bed is that getting into bed becomes more difficult. This can be remedied by using a small step stool if you need to get an extra few inches. I decided, however, that trading off the extra effort getting into bed was worth being able to get out of bed more easily. After all, in the morning I need all the help I can get to wake up and get going!