Author: youshouldgoanyway

The two types of disabled people

youshouldgoanyway

There are two types of disabled people.

1. The disabled person who doesn’t act like they have a disability.

2. The disabled person who can’t wait to list all their disabilities to you.

The first type of disabled person will go into a meeting or a party and never even mention their disability. They interact with people and have an expectation that people won’t treat them any differently. They feel no need for special treatment. The only time their disability comes up is when someone else asks them about it. Even then, it’s spoken about in a matter-of-fact way, sort of like someone might describe their car. Their disability just “is.”

The second type of disabled person will start describing what’s wrong with them from the first second they get into the room. “I’ve got to sit in the shade because sunlight gives me the worst hives! And then there’s my high blood pressure. Do you have any Splenda, I have diabetes. I could totally tell it was going to rain today because my sciatica kept me up all night and I felt it in my bones.” You get the picture. It’s all about their disability(ies).

The first type of disabled person brings energy to the room. The second sucks all the energy out. The first type leaves others hopeful that should they ever end up in a debilitating situation, they’ll be just fine. The second type makes you afraid to get out of bed in the morning.

I am very thankful I consider myself to be the first type of disabled person. I find it incredibly easy not to make my disability an issue unless absolutely necessary. It not only keeps others positive, it keeps me positive. I really don’t like it when other disabled people (of type two) come up to me and feel like I’m the same as them. I don’t want to sit and list all my problems. I would rather talk about sports.

What kind of disabled person are you?

5 assumptions you should not make if you are disabled

youshouldgoanyway

I find myself making assumptions all the time as a result of my disability. Sometimes it’s because I think I know the answer and don’t want to ask. Other times I just don’t want to go through the effort of researching an answer. There are also times when fear or a negative attitude can take over. Here are 5 assumptions you should not make if you are mobility impaired:

1. Assuming something is not accessible

It’s easy to assume from a picture or a Google map or a description that a place may not be accessible to you. For example, you might see a flight of stairs wrapping around the outside of a building and think “Oh that must be the only entrance. I’m not going!” However, you have no idea that an elevator might be just around the corner. If you have a question, call in advance. If you’re feeling adventurous, just go. Don’t miss out on doing something just because you assume the location might not be accessible.

2. Assuming something can’t be made accessible

There was an Italian restaurant around the corner from an apartment I was renting in Hawaii last year. It always smelled great when I would roll by. Unfortunately there was a large step at the front entrance. I made the casual assumption that I would not be able to go inside. Well, finally I decided I wanted to eat there and I discovered that the owner had a ramp made especially for wheelchairs and all I had to do was peek in and ask. The ramp couldn’t be placed outside all the time because it would have blocked the sidewalk. Of course it would have been nice if they built a ramp into the floor inside the restaurant, but the lesson here is that most times, adjustments can be made to make a place accessible to you. Just ask. If the answer is negative, then you don’t need to spend your money there anyway.

3. Assuming something is too difficult

This one still drives me crazy all the time. I often make an assumption about a work task that it will take much longer than it actually does. It’s the same with physical activity as well. Assuming something is too difficult is especially unfortunate because it’s a deterrent from even trying. I usually remind myself that unless I have physically tried it, I cannot judge that it’s too difficult. The other thing is that something might be difficult at first but it could get easier over time. For example, I usually find that it takes me a few weeks to get used to transferring into a new shower setup. After that, I figure out where all my hands and feet should go to make it as easy as possible.

4. Assuming there won’t be anyone to help you

How often do you go somewhere and you’re the only person there? I mean ONLY person. RARELY! Unless you’re creeping around dark alleys at 3 in the morning, it’s likely that there will be at least one, if not many more people wherever you are about to go. Many times when I was still walking, I needed help lifting something or picking something up off the ground. I also needed help on occasion to get picked up off the ground myself. If there is a slight chance that you could fall or need assistance, don’t let that prevent you from going out and doing things. Don’t assume you’ll be left on the ground rolling around without anyone there to help you. Help can swoop in from weird places when necessary. Do your best to be safe and go for it.

5. Assuming the worst case scenario

This is a trait that bugs me about many people I know. They assume the worst will happen. It’s not wise to assume the worst, nor is it wise to assume the best. But If you’re going to be un-wise, at least be positive. I like to set my sights somewhere to the positive side of the middle when planning for something whether it’s a meeting, an event, or even just a trip to the store. I hope and expect everything to go okay, but I am prepared to accept an unexpected challenge. No sense worrying about something that has not even happened to you yet. Getting this worst-case problem under control can be a huge benefit to your life and your outlook.

Do you find yourself making any negative assumptions? How does it impact you? Feel free to answer in the comments section.

Muscular dystrophy and bathrooms

youshouldgoanyway

One of the best bathrooms I ever used as a wheelchair user was in the least likely of places — Costa Rica. I was on a day excursion while on a cruise with a few friends and we went to a botanical garden. Nestled amongst the tropical plants, flowers, and trees was a large green shack. The tour guide pointed it out as the restroom and due to the power of suggestion, I decided to use it immediately.

I rarely use the word “glorious” to describe anything but this really was a glorious restroom. It was a single-user bathroom that was one large 15×15 foot room. There were several grab bars around the toilet which was perched on an elevated block that made the seat about a half-inch higher than my wheelchair. I could roll right under the sink and the paper towels were at lap level, so I could reach everything with ease.

Unfortunately not all bathrooms are like this. I do have a few recommendations to make using restrooms easier for those of us with muscular dystrophy.

1. Look for the family bathrooms

The family bathrooms are usually very large and their are counters for putting things down. Most new facilities that expect large numbers of families to visit (malls, arenas, theaters) have these family bathrooms. Don’t be afraid to use them even if they don’t have the wheelchair symbol on them. I use them all the time. Moms with strollers use our elevators all the time, we can use their bathrooms.

2. Bring a bottle

If you pack a backpack or a bag that you usually have with you or on your wheelchair, a bottle can be helpful for the males of the species to be able to use the toilet without having to transfer just to go #1. In my experience it’s much cleaner and of course, drier. Additionally this can be helpful to have on hand if a bathroom stall is not wide enough. If you absolutely have to go then you can use the bottle and dump it or seal it and dump it later.

3. Carry a few wet naps or a mini bottle of hand sanitizer with you.

Many times I find that the counters in public bathrooms are dripping wet. I usually need a little bit of leverage to reach the water knobs and touching wet counter tops in public restrooms is gross to me. I also find that sometimes the levers for reaching the hand towels are too high or require more arm strength than I have. To get around this, I usually carry a bottle of sanitizer with me in my wheelchair pocket. Then I can skip the sink and life is easier.

4. Know your bathrooms

If you find a bathroom that is particularly easy for you to use, make a mental note of it. Then next time you’re in the area or at the same facility, you’ll know right where to go without even thinking about it. There are some great bathrooms (and some horrible ones) at the big mall in Honolulu. Whenever I am there I know exactly where to go so I don’t waste my time in crowded or less-than-perfect restrooms. Often there are times when I’m not at the mall but in the area and I have to use the bathroom. If it’s convenient, I will just go to one of the nearby mall restrooms.

So until humans magically evolve into beings that don’t need to use the bathroom, dealing with bathroom issues will always be a necessity. Feel free to share your tips in the comments section.

Starting a business with a disability

youshouldgoanyway

I have owned a Hawaii web development company since 2000 and have learned many lessons while running it. Prior to starting any new venture there are many uncertainties. Often these uncertainties are the reasons people don’t start their own thing. It’s too scary. Mix in the fact that you have a disability and it can be easy to say, “Oh I could never do that.” But in my experience, my disability has had little negative impact on my ability to start and run my business. In fact, I’d have to say that because of my disability I have found it easier to handle the issues that come up.

Flexibility

Mini challenges present themselves almost every day when dealing with a disability. Sometimes there are stairs that need to be worked around. Sometimes all the disabled parking spaces are full. Sometimes you need to wait for help. A business has its own mini-challenges as well. Sometimes a form needs to be filed. Sometimes a client needs extra special attention. Sometimes a contractor doesn’t deliver what they said they would. In dealing with both a disability and a business you need to be flexible and able to handle the things that come your way without freaking out.

Ingenuity

If you use a wheelchair or have a mobility problem, you might not even realize how creative you have to be in order to live your life. Sometimes you need to figure out how to get up off the floor. Other times you need to jerry-rig something to help you accomplish a household task like cleaning, laundry, or painting. Often this sort of creativity happens without even noticing it. In business, ingenuity is a key factor in making a business a success. Clients have needs and the vendors that can solve client problems in creative and cost-effective ways are the ones that will get the jobs. In dealing with computer programming like I do, a programming challenge seems like nothing after dealing with physical challenges like “How do I get up off the floor if I fall?” Whether it’s creative marketing, creative programming, creative product development, or creative networking, there are many parallels to the creative thinking required by disabled people.

Attitude

A can-do attitude is admirable and easily developed by people with disabilities. It’s also a positive quality in a business. Developing this attitude involves leveraging the two previously-mentioned items (flexibility and ingenuity) with an overall positive outlook on a project or task. People with disabilities who are able to live their lives in productive ways usually have this attitude built-in or develop it over time. In business, this attitude helps to put clients at ease, create trust that the job will get done right, and lead to word-of-mouth referrals. It’s as valuable in business as it is in life.

So if you are considering starting a business, or even finding a job, I encourage you to examine yourself and notice that you probably have flexibility, ingenuity, and a positive attitude already. Acknowledging these attributes is the first step towards using them to go out and do the things you want to do. If you feel like you need to develop these attributes further, then find a small project around the house and consciously approach tackling it with flexibility, creativity, and a positive attitude. When you run into an obstacle, decide to tackle it head-on. Inevitably you’ll have to be flexible and creative enough to solve the problem in a new way. Then once you have completed the task, you’ll reflect positively back on it and know that the next one will be even easier.

I look forward to sharing more of what I’ve learned running my company in the future.

Inspiration and my disability

youshouldgoanyway

In my last post, I discussed why I don’t like being called “courageous” and in this one I wanted to address my love/hate relationship with being called an inspiration.

People often say to me, “You are so inspiring!” I used to hate it every time someone said this to me. Now I only hate it when certain people say it to me. But first, here’s when I love it.

I love being called an inspiration when the person who says it actually uses this inspiration to do something great with their life. For example, if someone sees me simply living my life and actually changes their life for the better, that’s great. I love it when people decide to take a positive step in their own lives and turn it into action. That’s when I know I am actually being inspiring. I think everyone is capable of being an inspiration to others, disabled or not, by taking on challenges and pursuing their dreams.

However, I don’t like being called an inspiration by someone who does nothing with it. I have been called an inspiration by several people in my life who then continue to tailspin out of control or live the same pathetic life they complain about all the time. I have sympathy for these people, but if I really was an inspiration to them, they’d do something with it to make their lives better. In these cases, I’d much prefer just to be told I have nice eyes — then I might believe their compliment. If I’m not actually inspiring you to do anything then how can you call me an inspiration?

Being an inspiration is a by-product of what I do. It’s not something that takes effort. If someone is actually inspired by me or my example, that is wonderful. If others with muscular dystrophy see that it’s possible to live a full and happy life, then that’s wonderful too. But really, I’m just doing what I do. The fact that I happen to be sharing my story doesn’t make me any more special than anyone else with muscular dystrophy. We all have our stories and we can all help each other out through words and actions.